1. |
Winter
03:12
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what another winter out the chi got to offer a nineteen year old?
go to the same frats
playing the same Flo
Rida song with the same jungle juice
that costs too much to
have as little effect as it do
stand in a circle with the same damn dudes
all of em too
scared to approach on a girl
for fear of a reaction of fear
that "how fucking dare you touch me there"
and I'm sorry
oh my god I'm so sorry
I'm just horny
oh my god I'm so horny
cuz you were just dancing with a dude
who's like SO lamer
did I approach too tentatively
or not enough so?
am I overthinking things?
should I just go?
because when I am dancing with someone
and their friend comes up
and asks if she's okay
waiting for a thumbs up
why would she not be okay
did you know one in five girls on college campuses are raped?
is that why she might not be okay
did you know I masturbated twice today and am probably going
to do it two more times when I go back to my dorm
if my roommate isn't back yet
another failed party
what is a "success"?
what another winter out the chi got to offer a nineteen year old?
a bigger beer belly
from kicking it with the same four people
using PBRs to gloss over jaws
opening up with eversharpening teeth
and everburgeouning hunger
for fellow human beings
and the only human beings that are close enough to bite
are these very ones I'm huddled 'round with every night
it's like everything you say
is a spitball aimed at my face
you deserve when I retaliate
no I'm not gonna chase
you down as you storm back to your dorm
face flushed, "no fuck that bullshit, just ignore"
and sit the rest of the night just
trying to dodge the loaded silence
when the remaining group
can reflect on our bloodlust
maybe we
took
it
too far
already steady planning out facebook chat apologies
and repeat
what another winter out the chi got to offer a nineteen year old?
a lot of people who know my city
as it relates to the magnificent mile
or field trips that they took as a child
a glimmering behemoth
in the periphery of their day to day
they don't feel themselves
fade away
at every mention of a murder
at the Old Navy on State
they don't even know the Old Navy preacher man
and I'm not saying they should
but for my friends in Dekalb
who never understood why I wasn't happy there
this is a letter to clear
the air
somewhat in full
in ways I'm too unreliable to state in plain conversation
who caressssss
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2. |
Harold's Chicken Shack
05:20
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let me get a fry. not with the cole slaw on it.
when I was ten
my daddy used to come in the crib
at like two in the morning
with a bag of fried chicken
and me and my bro'll hop right up out the beds
twin lazarus fiends
soon as we get a whiff
of the man five piece
it was on
when Harold's came up into the mix
like WHY MAMA GET SOME
SHE DON'T EVEN DO SHIT
jaykayjaykay
I'm just saying
this SHIT IS NOT A GAME
and during the summer,
we be in there every day for lunch
and I don't even eat meat
really...all that much...
the fries is enough to get that old thing back
whether at the wicker park harolds
plants and magazines
and tvs with flat screens
or southwest
where we ain't got a thing
but broke pop machines
and bulletproofing
it's just one more reason
when it all shakes down
I'm not from Illinois, homie
I'm from Chi-Town
move around
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3. |
Someone Ah
03:31
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you were someone I used
that I could only love
as much as I hated myself
and it was
the same in yr case
of course
but I had the leash
that I could cut when I want
I had you pieced
where I could cut when I want
and cut out when I want
I mean I think you're wonderful
but never what I thought I needed
so I'd be in and out
this is the third verse
I've written about the shit
I tumbled into you
obviously, never learned
so I'm glad it looked like you did first
took a perfect little friendship
and bent it
into imbalance
that burned and calloused
your fingers
that kept reaching for equal share
and the last times dared to send you
a "HEY THERE" you either responded
with ellipses or snapback
ay I know what I did
and I know what I should get
which is not a conversation with you
so I do
understand
the cold hands
it's just gon take some gettin used to
obviously if it wasn't for her,
I would have told the whole school what you did
the closest I've ever come to resorting to violence
dunno where the joy of my love went
or what it means now:
smiling video ghosts
spiting nailed mouths
and don't give me that he/she was drunk what bullshit
you knew what the fuck you was doing when you made all drinks free for chicks (chicks, lol)
and I know that I don't know shit
and every situation is different
but you knew what the fuck you was doing
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4. |
Splatter Effects
08:18
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nobody wants to see their own oil
I get paralyzed about
metal impacting curling into metal
skin skinned off peel curl back
eyes naked in their craters
shrinking in their holes
like souls
we all run programs
we can all get dismantled
computers have plans too
they dream about you
and when your head snaps forward
then back then off
and burns into dust like a soft hollow rock
will your internet save your soul
in its files
spend time in house
screen to screen
obsessed with how my shape floats and shifts
in a grid of imaginary electrified fried ropes
that you threw out and then I threw out
and then we threw out everything
you say is outdated
everything
you say is obsolete
I have something really important to tell you
mom.
mom.
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5. |
Proud
05:03
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I need you to hold me
I need you
I bleedthrough
so often
I've been an engine trying
to start myself
sputtering coughing
honey
turn the red to gold to blue to white
I spent my birthday
as a burning dog
tumbling charcoal
in a fog
farted out by my own mouth
pull me out, pull me out
dig up my dick from the dirt
shout me out, shout me out
seran wrap me in your love!
so I can't get out, can't get out
be my route
you roll cloud
these aren't directions
these are prayers
I spent a year peering at you like an urchin in a snowfall
fingerless gloves against a window in cold awe
my heart penned me a letter telling me "go long:
if it's for you then you'll get it, just don't doze off"
if you coulda heard the wealth of conversations I had
like "damn she bad"
"yeah dog, dag"
well actually that
might be weird
I just can't stress nuff how glad I am that you're here
now the stacks are high
like the de la soul joint
that you sent me
for real girl that shit was on point
I'll love you better than I only could imagine
at 13 every day I get fastened
tighter into this
your hair your wrists
agh so great
you're the shit@!
actually that de la joint was 3 feet high
I wonder if yr ex sent you that
he's such a great guy
I just want to make you
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6. |
Out
05:07
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I had you
but now
there's nothing dangerous about
(this isn't about him)
(this isn't about her)
I just wanted to bring you out
is it bad to wonder if
I had caught you freshman year
if I coulda soaked up all the blood
disinfected your trust
if I could have been the hand that held
a little earlier than it actually did
would your fingers have still been so tense
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7. |
Nigguhoh
05:12
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"Nigguhoh"
I know you didn't mean it
My heart can't tell the difference
and neither can yours-
cuz the gun was never aimed at you
there was a white girl high on xanax
drunk out of her mind
hooked her arm in mine
and decided she wanted to spill her mind
told me the difference
between
me and a nigger
and a nigga
and it made as much sense to me
as whenever I witness
dudes defending their usage of bitch
like "there's Women and there's Them"
there's shelters and statistics
that show you're full of privelege
I mean you're
full of shit
"housewife"//"housenigga"//"I don't mind dick, but I'm just confused not a faggot, pops"
if I go to my favorite rapper's website
it'll be covered in/ women who
look nothing like him
or his mother
he is the voice of my generation
and city and hood
the voice of my generation
thinks women look good
(celebratory)
with large pale breasts
bending back so you can run your eyes
across their ribs like a bridge to nowhere
he says he speaks for us
for our standards
he knows what he wants
and will not apologize
I've had so many conversations with my best friends
she'll tell me that she ate too much today
jokeyjokeyjoke about maybe picking up a future coke or pill addiction
during her sophmore year of college
she wants to look good at lolla
will talk around the cocaine pill addiction she picked up
during her sophmore year of high school
if I look at my favorite rapper's wikipedia
it'll tell me that
his mother died
getting cosmetic surgery
even though numerous doctors warned her
it could be fatal
she wanted it
needed it
wanted it that badly
I don't know why
I posted a comment on my favorite rapper's blog
to this effect
twice
they both got deleted
immediately
my favorite rapper might be your favorite rapper
critically and commercially he's the world's favorite rapper right now
the voice of our generation
he speaks to us for us inside of us
this is what that voice is saying
I don't know what the voices inside his head his dick his head
are saying
or where they came from
but I wish he could kick it with my friends sometimesszzzz
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8. |
Party
02:25
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9. |
g(tf)reat
01:54
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this is a song for when you just
Got home and you just wanna
Take a shit and
Fall asleep
i wonder if i have any notifications
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10. |
f(uck)ine
03:04
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"f(uck)ine"
(and words start coming back to you)
you remember him lying to her
and her letting them lies in her mouth
you remember him lying to her
and her letting him lie in her mouth
and you remember the years creeping
and every hole that's sprung in her since
you remember his arm on her
and his tongue clicking it shut
you remember the soon-to-leave parent on the couch
when you came in
so lucky you're better kids
than they they are a parent
mad at them them
cuz you mad at you for not doing nothing
you were this close to him
and when you see him in the morning
you still won't say shit
and when you see him in the morning
you still won't do shit
you're having nightmares
about her not getting old
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11. |
Campaign Mode
05:45
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12. |
h(ere)eaven
02:18
|
+ Chicago, Illinois
you can watch +'s video for "jihad" here:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvRPwho22ys
it's from + 's fourteenth album
my fourteenth album is called "i'm starting to believe" and was released 7/24/2014
i'm here
... more
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