1. |
nineteen spirit
13:04
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I: ((nineteen spirit))
i got the nineteen spirit
i'm taking off my shoes
i'm changing all my clothes
i'm kissing all my friends
i got the nineteen spirit
i'm changing all my shoes
i'm taking off my clothes
re-finding all my friends
no one speaks the language of my love, like you
no one speaks the language of my failure, like you
no one speaks the language of my futures, like you
and it's reaching all around
it's reaching all around?! (YEAH)
tonight
today
will you run this brush with me?
will you trust in your legs and my heart?
my friend pat doesn't wanna go bald
i don't wanna go bald neither
pat's been taking formulas he found on television
i've been talking shit and wishing hard
tonight
today
won't you run through this brush with me?
won't you trust in my legs and your heart?
II: alex
alex you are a series of my favorite images
a pyroclastic flow of tries and heart and hurt
i love you
with the essence of adolesence
still deep with in our flesh
and
a vigor for cleansing rigor
compelling all our eras
you are a lover
planting wherever you go
i am a student
watching
for whenever you grow
alex, it you can do
belief of mine
it is in you
you are my nigga
my fucking brother
and i need that
for the nights
when my eyes
are swollen shut
by the blackest kind of feedback
for the nights
when eyes
flower wide
and distance
is semantic
our tongues
are a secret weapon
for decay death and bad shit
alex, it you can do
belief of mine
it is in you
and there is plethoras
of promises
sending/receiving
from both our lips;
pledges in bodies
and silences
breaking
and women
and indian prayers
gender
and action
genuine anger
family
and crawling
and what makes you lie
daley and police
and failing adults
shaking
and laughing
and all that we won't
("...the feelings of
a real life emotional teenager
then you think again")
alex, it you can do
belief of mine
it is in you
but i love that we're here
and i love that we're now
i love that we fear
and cover our mouths
and i love that we fight
with all open palms
and are wrong
and are wrong
and are wrong
and are wrong
alex, it you can do
belief of mine
it is in you
III: no fear
("pass the peas like they used to do")
IV: into the void
"talking to myself all the way to the station
pictures in my head of the final destination"
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2. |
ojalá
05:00
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music to get down to
to kiss another girl in the sun
for the first time to
to ring up your boyfriend
and tell him truth
and have you both grow
as ones and two
music to break down to
to make a mad dash
for your father's roof
with your head tucked
and your lucky tooth
roots and fruits:
uneasy truce
music to break through to
live fast die young is doodoo
fast enough can be my life
so when i die it'll be as light
i'm a tumbling ball
so excuse my room
i'ma find my condoms
and find my shoes
anything that's lost
is a footstep back
i will not make excuses
i will just adapt
change my diction
go pro-black
embrace friction
as foreplay
for synthesis
gifted is
impetus
not a crutch
and kissing is
privlege and
much
can be gained
when pragmatics
meet orgasms
and
bodies don't feel strange
music to sit through to
when a lost friend
says "i miss you too"
and said friend is the one that left
and who omits and never guesses
music to sit up to
your body of work
is getting so strong
cuz you know your worth
and you care for true
and those two things are not exclusive
music to stand up to
when them niggas try to touch you
with their smirks and grunts
and unused consciouses
covered by beats
unh rapping is the sweetest
but my home is now the overlord
the bonds and rape
and master's gaze
complicit city!
tell you more?!
denial! shame! men in charge!
bodyguards and also writers
no shit you don't mind this empire
your bodies aren't the ones on fire
THE MOVEMENT IS SELF-MUTILATING
("what do you want?")
i wanna be rad and radical
bad as fuck
goob boy and a good world
finding our touch
no fear,
just weird
no fear,
just weird!
("i know i'll be in the air")
("what do you want?")
i wanna be bad and badical
rad as fuck
goob boy in a good world
finding its touch
no fear,
just weird
no fear,
just weird!
("i know i'll be in the air")
i wanna party like i'm nineteen
and never feel anxious
like my dick is always awesome
and never ever dangerous
i wish you'd believe me
malcolm nina and baldwin told me
kanye j lo nicki showed me
if i continue to grow me
i will find
i'll be chosen
i wish you'd believe me
history's gonna turn its giant red eye toward you
and burn your fucking face off
history's gonna turn its tiny white eye towards you
and look right through, tearless
i wish you'd believe me
so rap if it's your friends or mine
i will slice your face with mines
carve two letters for kids to find
right before they cannibalize
i wish you'd believe me
i saw my water light up
in my hands
so i walked to the ocean to test my mettle
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3. |
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4. |
lock my doors
06:31
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there's a man
in a car with his wife
two men in the front seat
stopped at a light
the two other men
are his brother and his friend
the man grabs the door
and tries to jump out again
everybody all yells
and struggle ensues
something long the lines of
"I'm trying to help you"
something long the lines of
"I DON'T NEED SHIT"
the man's pulled back
and the driver hits it
when i was six
i decided tattoos
weren't for me
cuz when i hit
twenty five i'd split
from my life
in the Chi
and just wear all white in the desert
i'm staring at the words on your back
realizing that i still feel like that
my arms are shaking
and my mouth is running
and i can't tell no more where the words are landing
x
i will let you my lock my doors
i've thrashed against the hoofprints
and i'm so tired of that shit
cuz all i want ya all i want ya all i want
i want is just to dance
and sing (badly)
x
the man has a son
who pretty often hears stories like that one
where his dad is a manic addict
saddled with a burden unmanageable
a basketball
prodigy
married to his high school sweetheart
where did the shift down start?
and how did that start shift down?
will the ghost come touch me now?
'round fifteen i wouldn't touch a drink
cuz everything i knew always made me think
that a liquid beat'd be the end of me
and now i do it nightly
and i gotta lot of friends who felt the same as me
but i'm a college kid
swathed in artistry
i just said "swathed" i'm an artist, b!
i'm a NIGGA i'm a kid with hardest deepest
beliefs set from the get
locked in from dreams
and the higher i get the more the memories
speak to me
spiritually
am i fulfilling a PROOOOPHECY?
i truly believe
i could be!
but i could be
craaazy
i am so lazy
when it comes to anything
but making beats
and making LOVE
if i get i want
what will it ask for in return
mom's already concerned
might be mom shit
but if anyone'd know it's my mom
this is my PLEA!:
don't stopstop loving me
cuz my Me still thinks he's three
and we can't trust that nigga can we?
x
i will let you my lock my doors
i've thrashed against the hoofprints
and i'm so tired of that shit
cuz all i want ya all i want ya all i want
i want is just to dance
and sing (badly)
x
("strange things keep happening")
this is my blood
i got the power to change
everything
("like an old, baby again")
this is my blood
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5. |
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lotta inboxes
you'd rather seem hateful than gay
that's weird!
racing eternity
lakitu onscreen
first grade:
this nigga was gay
everybody knew it
and everybody'd say it
every bathroom trip was a
"guard yr dick
'fore that fuckin fruitcup
gets a hold of it!"
his name was...
well, he knows his name
even if we never mention our game
i'd line up behind when we left the class
and get way up on The Gay Kid's ass
and we'd touch
and nobody'd know
one rose hand
and somebody'd go
to bathroom
and about two
minutes after
the other would join him
we were the masters
of mutual masturb-
nevermind.
fast forward
about fifteen years:
me and that bro still throw back beers
and No, hell no, is my smoking bro queer!
i wonder where it went for him
de-selected or re-directed
the pose
i wonder what it meant to him
when i screamed him a faggot
but then close...
but then close...
close...
pause.
I got my Secret Gay on for too long
to let some fuck shit like this go on
I know the lame things that I did as a kid
to try to keep my own proclivities hid
flex, you're forty
kanye is thirty
y'all grown as fuck and y'all still feeling dirty
when a dick comes up
like if you don't buck
as hard as you can
then you can't be a man
but here's the good news
you're gonna die soon!
but not soon enough!
there's so much time
to stop being silly
and man the fuck up
and we're all gonna get there
and it's gonna be great!
with a bunch of cool dads touching on dicks
and still being straight!
[ed: or whatever]
yeah!
you know who you is
it doesn't look like
you know who you is
it doesn't look like
(some people don't)
racing eternity
lakitu onscreen
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6. |
the iron triangle
04:22
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7. |
breaking hand
05:31
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you never answer anything
without taking a step back into yourself
you only feel
something when somebody e
is mad at you
and that only
pushes you further and further
back cuz you
knew that they were waiting
knew that they were waiting up
you knew that they were waiting
you knew that they were waiting but
you never really intended to come come back did you
i wonder if they knew that
i wonder if they know that
i have a feeling
i have a feeling, about this
the only reason you told me shit
is cuz you consider me harmless
cuz i'm not trying to fuck you
you sprinkle all your loneliness
like breadcrumbs
across bedding
like you're trying to get back to something
you were crying from numbness
it's dumb shit
we're young kids
there's nothing
that serious
but i have a feeling
i have a feeling, about this
and i've got a feeling
that i'll always have that feeling
(it's a fucked up feeling)
you never answer anything
without taking a step back into yourself
i am not who you wanted
but this is what i've earned
and i hope
i can be good
for you
but then my hands start to break
as your gaze does the same
and you don't look like you recognize me
as the friend who you texted to go get coffee on tuesday
and i don't recognize the loosed soft madness in your voice
an infantilized ghoul writhes and coos in my arms and bucks against my hips,
a personal baggage claim erupting. my softly drooling penis. my true colors
pinning yours to the floor, my voice dropping dog as your raises into infancy
this you
on my mouth
has glazed over
is sleepwalking
and sleeptalking d d dirty
and in the dark i am another nightmare
glowing peppered across your insomnia
another
softly
drooling
conniving
another tilted down smirk broken up by lumbered pants
i put my hand in your hair
((i mumble))
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8. |
waltz #5
03:36
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may the monsters that came between us
be crossboned into the sea
("i lit a match and watched it throw shadows
while you grew a hell on the top of our kingdoms")
i could write our whole epitaph
in misheard lyrics
and line graphs
that jerk their way
straight into the ground
i'm sorry, love
i don't want to be found
will you ever
kiss me again
ask me what my middle name is
text me in the early morning
sing with me in early morning
one day i'll look at you
like i don't know you
because i won't
because i won't
one day i'll look at you
like i don't know you
because i won't
because i won't
((or may the monsters that came between us
be crossboned into the sea.))
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9. |
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your ex-husband has a girlfriend now
you kept his last name and the house
when the child that kept you in your home
is still the same anchor but grown
he is your 50s
a satellite
who decides when to do things right
who you told to face that he had changed
got difficult, and turned strange
dad,
you'd rather heart beat faster than deeper
mama's alone
she's stripped til the bones of her nascently grown
hopes sing the crack of her family's home
i'll conquer this road and come back as your own
arrythmia
(i had a dream about you guys last night)
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+ Chicago, Illinois
you can watch +'s video for "jihad" here:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvRPwho22ys
it's from + 's fourteenth album
my fourteenth album is called "i'm starting to believe" and was released 7/24/2014
i'm here
... more
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