when you see
the Sun
hung up in the sky

his preferred
family
circling his head

they
don't know the
blood coating their throne-
the darkest brown;
your mother's.

"when I rip your heart out it won't be for me
when I rip your heart it out it won't set me free
but there are ghosts

when I rip your heart out it won't be for me
when I rip your heart it out it won't set me free
but there are ghosts"

you lift
past revolving bodies that don't even know your name

you lift
fingers spread
head down
he turns to you
y'all look the same

he says
"if you crush my heart
it won't stop you from burning
if you crush my heart
there will still be
a broken ring"

"if you crush my heart
to lift the pulp up to her memory
you'll still never forget the sound
it made, when you did the same thing

when you realized you couldn't explain
when you said 'I don't know'
to a broken throat

you have my life in your hand
you have been mulling my death"
///
I AM WHAT A S-N HAS NO CHOICE BUT TO BE
BUT THERE IS A COLD STONE IN NEED OF SOMETHING ELSE

I KNOW
///

/you were right
I don't feel any better
but goddamn do I feel better

\and now the ruin under your hands
has far outstripped its history

you have not undone anything
but added violence to the misery

you are vengeance
you are no eyes

/I didn't ask for this
I tried, I tried

there was a shift
blown into me
that broke up
what i grew to be

i woke up
with blood in my teeth
so the want for yours
came naturally

and there's a hole now
in my chest
burning wider and wider out
like i am wet paper

it's the sound of me saying
"I don't know"
it's the sound of you hanging up the phone
it's the sound of a blade hiccuping oh my god i am so sorry