what another winter out the chi got to offer a nineteen year old?
go to the same frats
playing the same Flo
Rida song with the same jungle juice
that costs too much to
have as little effect as it do

stand in a circle with the same damn dudes
all of em too
scared to approach on a girl
for fear of a reaction of fear
that "how fucking dare you touch me there"

and I'm sorry
oh my god I'm so sorry
I'm just horny
oh my god I'm so horny

cuz you were just dancing with a dude
who's like SO lamer
did I approach too tentatively
or not enough so?
am I overthinking things?
should I just go?

because when I am dancing with someone
and their friend comes up
and asks if she's okay
waiting for a thumbs up

why would she not be okay
did you know one in five girls on college campuses are raped?
is that why she might not be okay

did you know I masturbated twice today and am probably going
to do it two more times when I go back to my dorm
if my roommate isn't back yet

another failed party
what is a "success"?

what another winter out the chi got to offer a nineteen year old?
a bigger beer belly
from kicking it with the same four people
using PBRs to gloss over jaws
opening up with eversharpening teeth
and everburgeouning hunger
for fellow human beings

and the only human beings that are close enough to bite
are these very ones I'm huddled 'round with every night
it's like everything you say
is a spitball aimed at my face
you deserve when I retaliate
no I'm not gonna chase
you down as you storm back to your dorm
face flushed, "no fuck that bullshit, just ignore"
and sit the rest of the night just
trying to dodge the loaded silence

when the remaining group
can reflect on our bloodlust
maybe we
took
it
too far

already steady planning out facebook chat apologies
and repeat


what another winter out the chi got to offer a nineteen year old?
a lot of people who know my city
as it relates to the magnificent mile
or field trips that they took as a child
a glimmering behemoth
in the periphery of their day to day

they don't feel themselves
fade away

at every mention of a murder
at the Old Navy on State
they don't even know the Old Navy preacher man
and I'm not saying they should

but for my friends in Dekalb
who never understood why I wasn't happy there
this is a letter to clear
the air
somewhat in full
in ways I'm too unreliable to state in plain conversation

who caressssss